


i'll say it anyway

by cicadas



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Humor, Innuendo, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 03:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15016148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cicadas/pseuds/cicadas
Summary: Peter and Wade's text history over the past few weeks.(Set in the same universe as 'Take on Me')





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cat_Eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Eyes/gifts).



 

Saturday, 20th October, 6:14pm:

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_So. If you were to cut the tip of your dick off, would it grow back?_

 

 **Wade:**  
_Why in the Donald fucking Duck would I do that??_

 

Baby Boy:  
_I think swearing in the middle of the slang defeats the purpose of the slang_

Baby Boy:  
_\+ I'm surprised you haven't done it already_

 

 **Wade:  
** _Self-circumcision for science? Even I'm not that kinky_

 

Baby Boy:  
_I doubt it._

Baby Boy:  
_Oi you wanna go see that movie with me?_

 

**Wade:  
** _You're starting to text like Gwen. 'Oi'. You aren't an Aussie_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_You text Gwen?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Of course, who else was I gonna find out first-hand details of your deflowering from?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Uh, me?? I was there also_

Baby Boy:  
_Movie: yes or nes?_

 

 **Wade:**  
_Oh yeah_

 **Wade:**  
_Solid nes._

 

 **Wade:  
** _Hey you know that song thats like na na na na every day_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Yeah what about it_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I don't know I can't remember anymore_

 **Wade:**  
_LEMONADE_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_What did you do_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_U think ur webs can b used for plumbing???_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_You are an imbecile._

Baby Boy: _  
I'll be there in 5_

 

 

 

 

Friday, 26th October, 5:26pm:

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Hey Pete_

 **Wade:**  
_Can we get a dog?_

 **Wade:**  
_After I move in_

 **Wade:**  
_I can't remember if u asked me to or not_

 **Wade:**  
_I hereby accept ur offer to move in_

 **Wade:**  
_I sleep on the left side_

 

 **Wade:**  
_I want 2 weimaraners_

 

 

 

 

Friday, 26th October, 7:26pm:

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Wade did you invite yourself to move in while I was at work?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_No_

 **Wade:**  
_I got stuck in the fucking webs u put in the window_

 **Wade:**  
_Come help_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Mm, maybe later. I don't think I should be aiding the people who try to break in_

 

 

 **Wade:** _  
I'll break U in_

 

 

Baby Boy: _  
Not if I do it first ;)_

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, 31st October, 11:27pm:

 

Baby Boy:  
_I miss you_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I know. I'll be home soon OK? Few more days_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_What's it like where you are?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Fucking cold_

 **Wade:**  
_I could b in bed with u right now_

 **Wade:**  
_Smells so nice in ur room_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Like me?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_No, like coffee and deodorant._

 **Wade:**  
_Actually yeah, like u_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_What else do I smell like?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Shampoo. Sweat. But nice sweat. Beautiful sweat._

 **Wade:**  
_I'd totally lick you down with that sweat on u_

 **Wade:**  
_I'd do it regardless_

 **Wade:**  
_Ur skin is godly_

 **Wade:**  
_And that ASS_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Wade_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Mmmhm?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Come home_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Working on it baby boy._

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday, 11th November, 8:42pm:

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_WADE_

Baby Boy:  
_WHY IS THERE A FINGER IN MY SINK_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_You want a finger someplace else bb boy? ;)_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_This had better be yours I swear to God_

Baby Boy:  
_I don't even wanna touch it_

Baby Boy:  
_Come get ur body part and fucking explain yourself_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_U sure u don't wanna have some fun with it?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_WADE_

Baby Boy:  
_I will ban you from touching my ass for a week_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Only a week? Doesn't seem that serious to me_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_A month! Why do I date you_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_1\. I'm devilishly handsome, 2. I have a great choir alto, 3. Great at pub trivia_

 **Wade:**  
_4\. I know how to properly stimulate a prostate_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_I'm not talking to you_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_5\. I adore you_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_... Just come get your finger, babe. I need to do dishes_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Omw_

 **Wade:**  
_Though we could totally make a mold of it_

 **Wade:**  
_Would you consider it then?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_I'd rather a mold of something else_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_OMG I'll bring the silicone_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .
> 
> not what was suggested, but its in the ballpark. enjoy? <3
> 
> (i have a costco business membership fight me in aisle 312)


	2. Chapter 2

 

Tuesday, 13th November, 7:19pm:

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_R u at work?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_No, Tuesdays + Sundays are my days off_

Baby Boy:  
_What's up?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I need ur help_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Are you ok?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Oh yeah I'm fine_

 **Wade:**  
_I'm thinking of getting Spin a new bowl but don't know if she would like coloured rocks or a more natural palette_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Wade. It's a fish. I'm sure she won't mind._

 

 

 **Wade:  
** _Well if I get coloured rocks and she hates them I'll tell her you refused to help_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Still a fish_

Baby Boy:  
_Hey, speaking of Spin_

Baby Boy:  
_Did you want to set up that new bowl at my place? That way when you go away I can look after her. She can keep me company on animation fixation night._

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Petey, you are so sweet. You have awakened my dead cancerous heart. Like Fiona did with Shrek_

 **Wade:**  
_I'll bring her over now_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Oh, you don't have to do it now_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I was gonna come over anyway_

 **Wade:**  
_I found my dvd of the old Captain America war promos_

 **Wade:**  
_And I already ordered Chinese to urs_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Omg_

Baby Boy:  
_Just for that, I'll be Fiona_

Baby Boy:  
_Though you're definitely more of a Donkey_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_That makes you dragon_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_I can deal with that._

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Hey how do you think they reproduced?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_We are not discussing this_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Donkey's dick would be so small compared to dragon_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Please stop_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I mean, what sex organs do dragons even have?? Are they hermaphrodites, or do they have those holes like geese do?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_I'm turning off my phone._

Baby Boy:  
_Come through the door this time! I don't want you to drop Spinderella off the fire escape_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I feel like you know and you're not telling me_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_This conversation already ended_

Baby Boy:  
_See you soon_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, 15th November, 7:23pm:

 

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Tell me I didn't just see you getting tacos without me_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Are you following me?_

Baby Boy:  
_I just finished work, I'm hungry_

Baby Boy:  
_Where are you, anyway?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I am a ninja and therefore can't be seen_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Hold on I found you. I'm waving, can you see me?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_We're breaking up_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_No we're not. Come down here, I'll buy you one_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Extra cheese_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Vegan cheese? :P_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_You put that abomination on my taco_

 **Wade:**  
_We're at war_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Try me, old man_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Oh, I will_

 **Wade:**  
_All over, in various locations_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Not what I meant at all_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_You offered_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday, 17th November, 6:26am:

 

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Wade_

Baby Boy:  
_Did you, by chance, put something into my underwear drawer?_

Baby Boy:  
_Several pairs of something?_

 

 **Wade** :  
_Yes, that was me_

 **Wade** :  
_Happy birthday_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_My birthday is in July_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_So? Who doesn't like presents?_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_You got me lingerie. Several pairs of lingerie._

Baby Boy:  
_You know I don't have boobs, right? What are the bras for?_

Baby Boy:  
_And is this a garter belt?_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I'm not sure_

 **Wade:**  
_Send me a picture of u in it_

 **Wade:**  
_The whole set_

 **Wade:**  
_Just to be sure_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Where did you get a set that's Spider-Man themed???_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Yess put that one on_

 **Wade:**  
_I may have had it custom made_

 **Wade:**  
_Gotta take care of my baby boy_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_You're not a sugar daddy_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_I could be_

 

Baby Boy:  
_No way. Anyway, I gotta get dressed for work. I'll talk to you later okay?_

 

 **Wade:**  
_Sure you don't wanna take a day off and play dress-up with me?_

 

Baby Boy:  
_Nope, I need to keep my job_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_And this is another reason I'd be a great sugar daddy_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Not happening_

Baby Boy:  
_Later, big daddy_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_You little shit_

 **Wade:**  
_Imma visit you at work and complain about the toast there!_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Please don't. Gwen's on today, you might break her._

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Gwen!_

 **Wade:**  
_I'm totally coming_

 **Wade:**  
_See you soon. Tell Gwen to save me the good window seat, and that I love her very much_

 

Baby Boy:  
_Will do <3_

 

 **Wade:**  
_One more question_

 **Wade:**  
_How big are the bathrooms there_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Absolutely not_

 

 

 **Wade:**  
_Come on_

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_Do not even think about it_

 

 

_**Wade:**  
Admit that it sounds hot_

 

 

Baby Boy: _  
I'll admit that you have issues_

Baby Boy: _  
If I find out you touched your cock for even a second longer than necessary while in those toilets_

 

 **Wade: _  
_** _Yes?_

 

 

Baby boy: _  
I'll think of a threat later but I'm serious_

 

 

 **Wade:** _  
Aaw we were getting right to the good part_

 **Wade:** _  
You could web me up, have your way with me?_

 

 

Baby Boy: _  
We are not sexting_

Baby Boy: _  
It's way too early_

 

 

 **Wade: _  
_** _Later on then?_

 

 

Baby Boy: _  
We'll see_

 

 

 **Wade:** _  
Yay_

 **Wade: _  
_** _ (  ु • ⌄ • ) _

Wade:   
_ ♡ _ _ ♡ _ _ ♡ _ _ ♡ _ _ ♡ _ ♡

 

 

__

 

 

Saturday, 17th November, 12:02pm:

 

 

Baby Boy:  
_♡_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .
> 
>  
> 
> these are so fun to write thus: extra chapter


End file.
